A Radio Journalist Reflects on the Complexities of Fatherhood

In a candid essay, radio journalist Miguel Macias, 48, has opened up about the unexpected challenges he has faced since becoming a father to his daughter, Olivia.

Macias acknowledged the deep love he has for his child, but also expressed feelings of regret and frustration that he has struggled to come to terms with. He revealed that he had never previously wanted children, preferring to focus on his career and ambitions of making Oscar-winning documentaries.

However, as he got older, Macias found that his life did not turn out as he had envisioned. Amid the typical emotions felt by new parents, the journalist said he was a little ashamed to find regret bubbling to the surface.

Macias attributed this partly to small, everyday challenges, such as feeling bored and frustrated when playing with his daughter. “Despite my love for Olivia, I don’t really enjoy playing with her,” he admitted. “I can play for 10, 15, 20 minutes, but after that, I get bored and frustrated that I am wasting time.”

He also expressed regret over the loss of his previous life and goals, and questioned whether it was the most moral decision to bring a child into a rapidly changing world.

Recognizing that these feelings of regret are often considered taboo, Macias shared how he has struggled with depression and tried to suppress these emotions. Over time, however, he has come to the realization that regret can coexist with his immense love for his daughter.

“If we don’t allow ourselves to feel regret — feel it and come to some sort of peace with it — we risk being haunted by it,” Macias wrote, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and working through the complex emotions that come with parenthood.